"All right, everyone, listen up. I'm not going to lie to you. We lost a lot of good men today. But we haven't lost the war yet. It's time to hunker down and talk strategy: Has everybody been taking care of his fingernails? Because yesterday, during the battle, I noticed that some men-in fact, a lot of men-were having trouble opening their knives. Remember, you have to dig pretty hard to get the blade out. It's not like the magnifying glass.
Okay, another thing. Yesterday, on the battlefield, there was some confusion about the location of the blade. If the logo is facing you, the blade is the third instrument on the right side of the knife. It looks like the tweezers, but it's actually the one just above the tweezers. This is really important to remember."
*From Ant Farm: And Other Desperate Situations by Simon Rich
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